Updated: Oct 4, 2019
#metoo and distinguishing connection
We began the discussion by going around the circle expressing our initial reactions to the movement.
There were a range of responses.
There was celebration, defensiveness, complacency, disassociation, righteousness and a stubborn ignorance.
I for one as a man, felt attacked and set upon by the collective woman; the scapegoat for all women’s suffering, another bypass of responsibility. That simply passes the trauma onto the next person. There was a frustration in my interpretation; no one taking the responsibility to heal their own wounds.
However, in this discussion I realised I had a fair amount of stubborn ignorance and complacency in accepting this side of man. I was unaware of the multitude of women who had experienced abuse at the hands of a man.
Yet where do we draw the line?
Is there a clear perpetrator and victim?
How do we protect each other from suffering without casting more aspects of our nature into the shadows?
Words such as toxic masculinity have evolved into being and the notion ‘that boys will be boys’ is an affliction specific to boys and men that needs to be sterilised. Hashtags appearing such as #killallmen endorsed by media personalities and professors of prominent universities while others are chased out of universities for talking about men’s rights (2,3).
This is of course the extreme side of the movement and not the whole picture.
Yet it seems to be what is focused upon with our social media algorithms pitting us against one other in order to milk our attention, as well as mass media playing the same aggravating hook for more readers. These are harmful stories and are recipes for trauma; instilling an inherent evil within our young men. A fear that can in a paradoxical turn enhance the dangers of male violence. Which do we feed; the evil man or the good man? And what happened to just being a good human?
One human mentioned the inability of society to listen to the problems of men and even within the discussion there was a casual dismissal of men’s problems. ‘Deal with it.’
When will this macro relationship between the genders be a dialogue rather than a monologue?
This movement has also ignited an equally aggressive counterstrike by men which is an equally reactive, aggressive projection of all suffering men endure in relationship with women.
What are the rewards of such a movement? What is the necessity of metoo?
The rewards of #metoo is the expression. Whether society has reached a level in which we as individuals can hold this information, ready for healing, women and men feeling safe to express their suffering and desires.
Daniel Shmachtenberger mentions the emergence of the power of the feminine in an immature expression being these accusatory movements from both men and women and that on an evolutionary level we are shifting towards feminine attributes (1).
There is a lot of baggage between the sexes, a lot of anger and pain. It seems to be drawn out through movements such as metoo. We are drawing the puss and bile out from the wound in order to heal.
The shadow of masculinity and the shadow of femininity is being cast into the light for us to investigate. The feminist movement could be described as opening the doors to a new part of ourselves that has been neglected and forgotten. Paving the way for our next evolutionary step.
Yet how do we do this in a way in which both sexes feel equal, loved and not riddled with guilt and unexpressed anger?
We discussed meaning making and how this affects the way in which events traumatise us. How do we carry the memories with us in a way that contributes to our lives?
Next week we will explore the ‘victim mentality and empowering meaning making’.
1. Shmachtenberger, D. 2017. ‘Global Phase Shift’ - The future thinkers podcast no. 36.
2. Weaver, J. 03/10/15. ‘Campus speaker touting men’s rights has fire alarm pulled on her. https://www.thecollegefix.com/campus-speaker-touting-mens-rights-has-fire-alarm-pulled-on-her/
3. Johnson, S. 30/04/18. 'It’s hard enough for men to call a helpline without facing this': Campaign to remove Clementine Ford as the speaker of a Lifeline event for tweeting 'all men must die’. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5672447/Campaign-remove-Clementine-Ford-speaker-Lifeline-event-tweeting-Kill-men.html
- Rebel wisdom podcast 9. 11/11/18. 'Men and Women after #metoo - The Female Shadow?','Men and Women after #metoo - A New Conversation? part II'.