The human group - session 13 - Deepening Relationship
Check in - A verb and any other word describing what emerges when contemplating ‘deepening relationship’.
There were varied responses; diving, commitment, dynamic, exploring, climbing, clambering, trusting, safety, love, depth and more.
The first hour was spent in small groups as a conversation jam in the roles of the listener and the expresser.
This allowed for trust to emerge and authentic sharing and communication around the topic.
We came back for the last hour of the evening and discussed what arose.
How do we deepen relationship?
Vulnerability and slowly clearing space for someone to reach into the depths themselves.
How do we allow for our partners to become vulnerable? It is not something that can be forced from the external environment. Only an offering can be made, a clearing of space for the other to step into. A patient waiting, mirrored by the natural environment waiting for us humans to recognise the beautiful space it has created for us to be our vulnerable natural selves.
A slowing down and listening, a deep feeling that echoes the reality of possibilities from beneath the static surface tension of a defined fixed reality that is perpetuated by a chain reaction to fear, the unknown and the ambiguity of existence. Trying to make sense of things has shallowed relationship in a rationale of convenient technology, building ignorance, disconnection and lack of meaning.
The role of commitment in deepening relationship.
In discussion I noticed I had a very fixed interpretation of commitment compared to other humans in the group. This fixed commitment model is what also kept me wary and fearful of committing as it could be at the sacrifice of future awareness and resolution to change or break the commitment. I wondered if it was a female and male difference; static commitment and dynamic commitment. Dynamic commitment coming from an inherent knowing of change and static commitment coming from sheer determination to not remain steadfast in the face of change. The latter producing a lot of unnecessary suffering, seperation and hardness as a consequence.
Deepening through the changing shapes in relationship.
Being open and listening to the new partner every second of the day. How do we find new ways to love and let go of old portraits we paint of each other in order to free one another? Perhaps acknowledging that we don’t know who we are or who each other is at any given time and place. Actively clearing space for each person in relationship to step into different ways of being. The attachment to the portraits we paint of each other can act as delusional prisons. Leading to a dysfunctional, unheard, unseen pair of individuals responding from scripts of habit and comfort. This is a challenge for those who wish to deepen past this comfortably numb prison of averageness.
The balance between passion, the heart and rationality.
Can creating boundaries and expressing what we want with authentic communication clear a path to the depths of relationship? Creating channels for intimate discussion to occur can clear future miscommunications and assumptions. Creating a safe space for each person to express their desires, concerns and vulnerabilities.
What happens when there is a broken agreement? How do we create an opportunity for depth in the face of betrayal and hurt? Do we forgive? Can forgiveness deepen the relationship? There was a bit of contention around this topic as present wounds were surfacing from past experiences. In an attempt to stop this suffering from happening again there was fierce resilience to forgiveness and accepting a behaviour that hurts the other.
Is jealousy a personal insecurity?
Can depth be created across multiple lovers or does it remain in the shallows?
Tune in next week to find out more.